Having A Heart
by lucky-im-terrified
Summary: Having a heart came with nice and no-so-nice feelings, but Lea knows he'll be okay.


Falling..

 _Wait, why am I falling?_

Upon realizing what was happening, Lea opened his eyes, nothing but darkness greeting him. However, as unpleasant as falling into darkness sounded, he knew something about it was different. He felt warm, light and floaty, as if he was a feather drifting down to the ground.

"Where am I?"

He gained control of his footing as his feet finally touched a solid surface. For a moment, a bright light pierced through the darkness and blinded him, his hands immediately trying to shield his eyes from it. As the brightness died down, he finally took a good look at where he was standing.

He let out a small gasp. "This is..", he trailed off, his right hand finding its way to the left part of his chest, where his relatively new heart rested.

"So this must be it, huh", he muttered to himself as he gazed at the familiar figure that was himself on what seemed like a stained glass floor.

He'd heard it from Sora and the others--that this was something keyblade wielders could do--they could dive into their own heart.

He smiled a little. _I guess this means I'm really a keyblade wielder now. And I really do have a heart._

He was still getting used to having a heart--getting used to the more intense emotions he felt, ranging from happiness and love to guilt and hopelessness. Later on his life as a Nobody, he realized he did feel stuff and was starting to grow a heart thanks to his friends, but now that it's really fully there, he couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed sometimes. Though, of course, he wouldn't say that to anyone.

He gazed at the platform again andslowly walked towards the other faces that were around his own figure.

"Sora, Kairi, Isa, Roxas, and Xion".

A smile graced his lips as he looked at Sora and Kairi. It made sense that the young hero was there, considering how easily he could connect to other people's hearts. Kairi, on the other hand, was someone he had a rough start with, but through their training, they'd become relatively good friends.

The last three names, however, stung. They were his best friends after all.

"Isa..", he murmured, looking at his face on the platform. He still had no idea how to save him from Xehanort's clutches or why he was with Xehanort to begin with, but he'll find a way. "..I'll bring you back, Isa. You'll see."

His gaze then drifted to his two best friends, although he didn't even remember he had another one until they were both recompleted, thanks to Sora's efforts. That day, he rushed back to Yen Sid's tower as soon as he heard the news that Roxas was back.

When he got there, he saw Roxas was crying.

One look at the black-haired girl comforting Roxas in her arms made his heart hurt, and he finally realized why something bothered him whenever he looked at Kairi's face, why he felt like he needed to remember something. With her name on his lips, he quickly joined the two for a hug.

Lea sighed, his reminiscing over. Things were all good between the three of them again, if not for the impending war, but sometimes he couldn't help but feel guilty for not remembering and for all the things he could have done to save their friendship the first time around.

"Damn all these emotions. Having a heart sure isn't that nice sometimes.", he remarked, sighing.

 _Anyway.._

 _How do I get out of here?_

"Man, sometimes I can't believe the things I get myself into.", he said to himself upon his realization. He didn't even know why he was there. All he remembered before coming there was being on the clock tower with Roxas and Xion.

He scratched the back of his neck and sighed. "Hmmm.. how should I do this?", he paused, his hands on his waist as he thought.

 _Maybe I should use the keyblade?_

"Well, it's worth a try. I sure hope this works.",Lea shrugged as he summoned his keyblade and proceeded to open a keyhole

 **"Going so soon?"**

Alerted, he swiftly turned on his back to check his surroundings for the owner of the voice."Who's there?!", he answered.

"Man, you'd think you could at least recognize your own voice..", the voice that he now realized was too much like his own answered back.

 _What in the world.._ "Who are you? Show yourself!", Lea shouted. At that moment, a corridor of darkness appeared and a figure in a black coat stepped out. A figure much like his.

"What the..", Lea trailed off. "What's going on?"

"So how are you, Lea? Must be nice to have a heart again, huh?"

Lea stayed silent, not sure what to do or say. _Is the figure in front of me really.._

"What? No comeback? That's not like you.", the figure remarked. "That heart of yours must be making you soft. Guess hearts aren't that great after all, huh.."

"What do you wa-"

"My name bothers you, doesn't it?", the figure said, cutting him off. "The name, 'Axel'."

 _Axel?_

 _Wait, how?_

"I'm right, aren't I?", the figure, Axel, spoke again.

"So what if it does?!", Lea exclaimed. "You're my nobody. We're basically the same person, unlike Sora and Roxas, so how is this happening?"

"That's right. We're basically the same person, and yet, you haven't fully accepted it, have you? Like how being called Axel bothers you a little, even though you try not to show it."

Lea fell silent. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he was right. He couldn't really blame anyone after going around telling everyone to memorize it, but still, it bothered him. That name came with some bad memories and horrible feelings.

"Horrible feelings... like guilt.."

 _Did he just read my mind?_

"Yes, I did.", Axel answered. "As much as you hate it, I'm a part of you.", he remarked. "There's no escaping the fact that you're the same person who was selfish enough to kidnap Kairi, the same person who left Isa all alone.."

"Shut up."

"..the same person who killed Vexen without a second thought and used the Riku Replica to kill Zexion.."

"Shut up."

"..the same person who kept lying to Roxas.."

"Shut up!"

"..the same person who was too much of a coward to oppose Xemnas and protect his best friends.."

"I SAID, SHUT UP!"

"You may have a heart now, but nothing's changed.."

Lea closed his eyes. He'd had enough. "Just..shut up."

 **"You're still a coward."**

"Whoa!"

Lea shot straight up, the light from Twilight Town's eternal sunset blinding him for a second. He would've fallen from the ledge, if it weren't for two sets of hands holding him back.

"Axel, are you okay?", he heard a girl's voice ask. He immediately looked back at his two best friends, trying to reorient himself.

 _Roxas, Xion.. right, what just happened to me?_

"Axel?", it was Roxas' turn to get his attention.

 _Axel._

Lea blinked. "Yeah.. I.. I don't know what happened to me.", he finally answered.

"You woke up so suddenly, you startled us.", Xion remarked.

He smirked, trying to hide the confusion he was still feeling. "Well, no kidding.. I heard Roxas scream. Didn't know you're that easy to scare."

"Hey, I'm not-", Roxas tried to protest before he was cut off by laughter from both Axel and Xion. "Oh, thanks guys!", he exclaimed as he joined in the laughter.

"You sure you're okay, Axel?", Xion asked again as the laughter died down.

 _Axel. There it is again_. Surprisingly, he doesn't mind.

"How many times do I have to tell you? It's Lea, now. Get it memorized."

"You'll always be Axel to us.", Roxas remarked. "Right, Xion?"

"Well, it wasn't fair that you changed names after telling us to get it memorized a million times.", Xion replied.

"I didn't say it that much!"

"Yes, you did!", Roxas countered.

"I don't mind calling you Lea, though.. if Axel bothers you.", Xion added.

"Xion!", Roxas exclaimed, feeling betrayed on their quest to annoy Axel.

"What? You wouldn't like it if people called you Sora, would you?", Xion remarked.

"Huh..", Roxas trailed off. "I never really thought of it that way. I guess you're right."

Axel just watched his best friends' conversation and sighed.

 _It feels different when they say it. Warm and happy.. welcoming and forgiving.._

"Axel's fine."

"Huh?"

"I said, Axel's fine.", he repeated. "I don't really mind.. if it's you guys.", he trailed off, the last part barely audible for Roxas and Xion to hear. He was still embarrassed nonetheless, his hand rubbing the back of his head.

"Then, it's settled", Roxas remarked.

"Hey, shouldn't we be going back to Master Yen Sid's tower?", Xion asked. "We were going to have a meeting, right?"

"Right.", Roxas answered. "Let's go, Axel."

Maybe he had forgotten, but being Axel wasn't all that bad. Having a heart to feel with isn't that horrible either.. because if he didn't have one, then that warm feeling on his chest easing his doubts and uncertainty away wouldn't be there.

"Axel? You coming?", Xion asked, breaking him from his trance.

"You know, you're kinda acting like a zombie, Axel.", Roxas teased.

"Oh yeah? Looks like you're rubbing off me, Roxas.", he teased back, making Xion giggle as Roxas protested.

It might take time to fully recover from the guilt, but he knows he'll be okay someday.

~end~

Thanks for reading! This is my first ever completed KH oneshot. I did this for a weekly writing challenge in the KH amino, and I really liked it so I uploaded it here. I hope you enjoyed!


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